Feeling very loved!

I'm 22 weeks + 1 day! It is now two weeks since the emergency cervical stitch and another two weeks until we reach our 24 weeks aim. With my colleagues insisting on me resting and not even being allowed to ask about work (one of my colleagues already has given me my first strike for too many work related questions) and with the Easter holidays starting today there's not much to really do. I may be a slight workaholic so not doing anything related to lesson planning or college in general is a strange concept.

So far my days have included watching lots of netflix and Supernatural. There is only so much sitting around not really doing anything that you can take especially if you used to be enjoy being outside of the house so much before. It doesn't help that the sun keeps coming out and shining through the window- I can just about manage a 10/15min walk before it starts to hurt and I start getting really tired.

When the doorbell rang today and I had a pile of Amazon packages waiting for me I was really surprised. My friends and amazing work colleague sent me lots of presents to help me pass the time. Very much feeling loved and so unbelievably grateful for their thoughts and presents to help keep me busy. Now I just need to decide what to start on first...

So grateful for such lovely people in my life

Baby Kicks

So last night was a bad night, dreams that made me wake up in a sweat at midnight and pretty much stopped me from getting any rest until the morning where I probably only got an hour or so. I was really comforted by my little one having a kicking frenzy from 3am until 6am. Typically he'll kick to let me know he doesn't like the position I'm lying in, when he hears his daddy's voice, if there's any pressure being put on him (ultrasound or doppler) and also kicks when I'm hungry.

Little legs at the 3 month scan

He definitely has his daddy's gazelle-like ankles. Back when he was little I could feel his stretches and some of his movements around week 16. To start with they literally felt like a tickle, I described it to my SO (significant other) as running your tongue or finger down the inside of your cheek. Now that the baby is a lot bigger and stronger he feels a lot bigger and stronger. It's more comparable to when you have a lot of gas suddenly move! You are very aware that your intestines are a lot higher now though. It's almost like someone just knocked very loudly on the inside of your tummy.

Wondering if this belly button is going to pop! 

One of my favourite moments is seeing my SO's face when he felt him kick. The excitement and how proud he looked was just a moment that I'll be keeping with me. He ended up getting about four kicks before the baby decided his daddy wasn't getting the message to stop trying to wake him up. With an anterior placenta it's quite hard for other people to feel his kicks. Usually we have to wait until his legs are in my left or right side for anyone to be able to feel anything. That doesn't mean I can't feel the kicks. They are an amazing reminder that he's growing in there and seems to have a crazy little personality already.

Get Well Card

One of the best things about being a teacher is how sweet my students can be- look at my 'Get Well' card! I haven't quite built up my muscles or confidence yet to really start venturing outside. Compared to the daily excitement that my students used to provide, the lack of fresh air and mental stimulation is really affecting my morale and gives me a lot of time for my mind to wonder. It is all quite challenging. At the moment it seems to be visits to the hospital that really get me out of the house. Alongside the progesterone tablets and typical pregnancy hormones my moods are on a roller coaster so when I got a card from one of my classes today I was very emotional.

The doctors and my SO (significant other) have been stressing the importance of moving around. Pulmonary embolisms are more common in pregnant woman which my SO keeps reminding me. He used to do scans on pregnant ladies as he is a radiographer and has no problems giving me a mini-lecture to make sure I'm at least making an effort to be more active. I do worry that there's only a little piece of nylon string helping to keep the baby inside for hopefully more than 2 weeks.

I think I was a lot more positive yesterday, today I made the mistake of doing another internet search. My attempt this time to see how long a typical cervical stitch lasts... I ended up reading a lot of experiences on forums about ladies whose stitches/cervix's didn't last past the 22-24th week. My heart really goes out to these ladies, considering I never thought I could have a family it feels so close, it is literally days that seem to make a difference.

Different doctors have said a range of different expectations of my cervical stitch. Whilst in hospital one doctor (who placed the stitch) said the stitch typically can last about 5 weeks, whereas during my premature clinic appointment there were talks about having the stitch removed at 36 weeks and quite a lot of optimism. Whilst the doctor actually saw my cervix and placed the stitch, the premature clinic are the ones who usually monitor the stitches. Then again this is all trying to predict the unpredictable using the worried mind of a stressed pregnant lady.

First Premature Clinic Appointment

Today I am 21 weeks and 4 days! It has been 9 days since the emergency cervical stitch was placed and I just had my first appointment with the premature clinic. I am really happy to say that the funnelling has decreased and the stitch placement is looking good! It has definitely started the week off on a high.

I was extremely lucky to have my sister, mum and partner all there for support this morning. It is really amazing how reassuring and comforting it is to have family around at these worrying times. I didn't quite know what to expect today but everything does feel a lot tighter and plugged up down there since the stitch and the progesterone (cyclogest) tablets. They really have worked wonders and I now have 15mm of cervix below the stitch and 21mm above the stitch.

Trans-vaginal scan 21 weeks + 4 days

I was quite confused though as the doctor had previously told me when scanning the morning after the operation that there was 24mm below the stitch. This had been done with an abdominal scan, which I know aren't as accurate, and it could have been the whole length of the cervix. I was still quite shell shocked by everything at that point and I can't find his measurements within my notes.

Nevertheless, I am now very proud to say I have a cervix of 36mm overall, which is the ideal length! I just hope it now stays that way. There were lots of thoughts that had gone through my mind with having the stitch and short cervix- the main being infection. Infection can cause premature labour but with a longer cervix it should be more difficult for bacteria to enter.

During the appointment the doctor did the usual check and update on how I have been doing. It was quite crowded with the doctor, midwife, student and my entourage in the room! They also didn't have curtains for you to get changed behind, considering the past couple of weeks I feel there's not much left to hide. My lovely partner kindly came to the rescue and helped cover me with a towel before the trans-vaginal scan began.

Now baby has been doing cartwheels in there since yesterday and he also decided to move feet first. He often takes joy trying to kick his way out through my cervix. So his placement did make it harder to see the degree of funnelling but I felt better that his head wasn't getting ready to pop out. He also thought it would be fun to kick as they tried to do the measurements which did make me laugh. Every sonographer has always remarked on how active he is... hyperactive just like his daddy.

What made me laugh even harder was the doctor broaching the topic of no sex when there's a stitch in there. We had discussed how to prevent infection; don't use soap when cleaning down there, don't try to clean within the vagina and only have showers. When the doctor looked at my caring partner who was just helping me put my shoes back on and muttered the 'no sex' statement. I did have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. My partner seems convinced my mum has trained my chihuahua to go for his man area so I don't think that will be an issue.

Face of a little angel!

I still don't think I will be completely content until we do get to the 24 week mark and I have my next premature clinic appointment in two weeks time. I know that my EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) plays a factor which is often not really considered by doctors but I am feeling a lot more confident in my little nugget.

Ovarian cysts and me

Considering all of the lady problems that my nan and mum had it was surprising that it was only when I was about 15 years old when I rushed into a&e with a large ovarian cyst that had ruptured. Now cysts are really common which I had to keep reminding myself. Unfortunately that wasn't the last of the cysts and sometimes they came in twos and would cause sharp pains from my side all the way down my leg.

Thankfully the cysts would often resolve themselves so when offered an operation I would refuse. The scar tissue from an operation, in my opinion, would have been worse than the damage caused by the cysts and the cysts always came back so I didn't see the point. Ultimately the cysts meant I missed about two years of P.E. at secondary school. Now the first couple of years of school I loathed doing anything athletic but having finally found the sport for me- hockey, I really felt left out. Being a teenager that was the main thing on my mind.

Going from doctor to doctor I was put on the mini-pill to try and control bleeding and prevent the cysts. Unfortunately due to migraines you can't go on the combined pill. Also it turns out it's not normal to change your sanitary towel every 20/30mins for 9 days straight! Due to the sheer volume of blood trying to get out through that tiny little cervix, not all of it can so some of the blood can leave through the only other exit- the fallopian tubes. One doctor described it in a really interesting way... imagine the uterus as a sink and the drain a cervix, if the water comes out too fast it's going to overflow. This happening repeatedly leaves you with endometriosis. Unfortunately my mum has this and it is really a nasty disorder. When I was discharged from the gynae/endometriosis clinic the last thing they said did stick with me- 'come back when you're trying for a baby then we can discuss it'. I hadn't considered it but all of that damage would have built up.

Now not all mini-pills are the same, I had serious issues with micronor and feanolla, the only mini-pill that hasn't caused the cysts to return, even heavier bleeding or extreme mood swings was cerazette. Which the doctors continuously tried to change due to the fact it costs a lot more in terms of production. I used to go to the family planning clinic to get the mini-pill as it meant it was free and a lot faster to get. Saying that I did feel a lot of judgement going to the clinic by the receptionists. Thats not saying all but considering they are a family planning clinic if a young girl goes in there for whatever reason she should be made to feel as comfortable as possible. This was over 10 years ago and it has still stuck with me. Things have improved but now you need a prescription to get cerazette because they no longer give it out in the clinics!

Thanks to cerazette I had been cyst free for over 10 years, with the odd check up scan it seemed my left tube was twisted (a sign of endometriosis). They couldn't really check anything else without an investigative procedure. So I had 10 years of the possibility of not having children in the back of my mind. I am always quite open about my medical issues and I've had ex-boyfriends ask how I could do that to him because they wanted kids. Charming right? I did consider whether to bother with relationships. It was a huge surprise when I decided to go on a break from cerazette (10 years on a mini-pill is a long time), that after 6 months I then saw a positive pregnancy test. The love of my life knew there was a chance we wouldn't have our own family as long as we had each other it was okay. So his face lit up when I told him that he was going to be a daddy.

What is it like to have a cervical stitch?

I still feel I am very much coming to terms with having a cervical stitch. Having it for just over a week, it has still been a rollercoaster and something that is constantly on my mind. The doctors managed to extend my cervix from 4mm to 24mm (with the typical cervix during mid-pregnancy being 35mm). I never thought I would be jealous of another womans cervical length! Scouring forums often leaves me thinking the worst and regularly leaves me in tears, reading about ladies with lengths of 15mm pre-stitch we just have to remember we have all been in this terrifying position.

20 weeks + 1 day cervical scan

So I thought I would put together a list of questions I would have liked to have known the answers to...

1. What was the epidural like?

Talking to my mum about it afterwards we both had completely different experiences with the epidural. It felt like someone had dribbled some warm fluid down one side of my back whereas my mum found it very painful. The epidural was more effective on my left compared to right which was a very interesting experience because when it eventually wore off my left side took much longer to regain sensation. The doctors test to see if it's working by putting a cold spray on you to see where you can feel it, I think I lost all sensation below my belly button. The doctors then cover you up so you can't see whats happening.

2. Is the stitch painful?

I didn't feel the doctors put in the stitch but I could feel it afterwards. I had very sharp pains on my left and right side near my cervix following the operation. This could have been due to the little one lying on my cervix (just for fun!). The pain is quite dull, bearing in mind it is an operation I wouldn't be surprised if there was quite a bit of swelling. The more I move around the more painful it gets, but sometimes the pain only subsides if i get up! It also hurts if I need to visit the toilet for a more lengthy visit.

3. Can you feel the stitch?

I can feel the stitch, at first I really did panic as to whether this was normal. It feels a lot tighter in my lower pelvis compared to before. It almost feels like there is a tampon left in there, so very different to when there wasn't much left of my cervix.

4. What do you need to be careful of?

Keep everything clean! The risk of infection is big in terms of stitches, making sure everything remains clean is all I think about for hours on end. Bacteria from the vagina can enter the cervix and cause the membranes to rupture and just can't be prevented sometimes. I feel better knowing I am doing everything I can... disinfecting the toilet before every use, only having showers, using alcohol hand sanitiser and not using scented shower gels.

5. How often should you have checkups?

This was the first question on my mind. The doctor scanned me the next morning to check on the baby and stitch but after that it is up to the premature clinic to see you. Do not leave the hospital without that appointment! They don't like repetitive scanning so we'll only find out what is happening on monday during our first premature clinic appointment where I am hoping they will scan.

Cervical Stitch - 21 weeks and 2 days pregnant

It has now been a week since my emergency cerclage, also known as a cervical stitch, and I am still resting in bed. With another 19 days to go until our viability aim it looks like bedrest is the main thing on my agenda. I currently have three different countdown timers on my mobile including tickers, days until due date and the 24 week mark, it is quite reassuring seeing each day pass but I do feel incredibly lucky just to have these days with my little one.

The little one at 3 months

Like most of the ladies I have read about on countless forums I had gone in for my routine 20 week anomaly scan. Thinking that everything would be quite straight forward I brought my younger sister as well as my partner. Even though the sonographer seemed to be muttering the measurements of the baby to herself, everything was perfect with our little one kicking away. That was until something didn't look quite right on the screen.

My cervix was measuring 4mm with funneling, at the time we thought she had said 4cm and didn't quite see what the fuss was about. Now for those who do their research you'll find-

At 24 weeks gestation, the average cervical length is 3.5 cm. When cervical length is less than 2.2 cm, women face a 20 percent probability of preterm delivery. (Source: The Length of the Cervix and the Risk of Spontaneous Premature Delivery. New England Journal of Medicine; February 29, 1996; Vol. 334, Number 9: 567-572.)

So we were rushed up to the labour ward where my mum soon joined us. I did not expect to see the inside of those rooms for a good few months yet. By the constant rush of doctors and midwives coming in and out of the room it started to dawn on me how serious the situation was. It was then that they gave us three options: 

1. Leave everything as it is. I could have been walking around with a short cervix for a while without noticing- I had been feeling increasing pressure on my cervix the past few weeks.
2. Progesterone. This was offered to help reduce the funneling and encourage the cervix to close.
3. Cervical cerclage. This involved putting a stitch in the cervix to regain as much of the cervix as possible. The issue here was that there was a 30% chance of miscarriage due to the membranes rupturing or manipulation of the cervix causing contractions.

So naturally we wanted to go for the safer low risk option, the progesterone. It was only when we saw the doctors face that we realised we didn't really have an option. When my partner heard the words 'hormones would be too little too late', our decision was made. Before I knew it I had signed some forms and was in a hospital gown.

In all honesty the worst part was actually having the cannula put in. Anyone who knows me well can explain my severe aversion to needles. Now this is with good reason, it was only on the third attempt that they managed to find a vein. I just wanted to get into the theatre at this point. There were so many people in the theatre I could not remember all of their names, I can hardly remember what I spoke about in there- I think I was talking about my college and students.

One week later and still feeling very bruised

The whole procedure lasted about 50mins, that included putting in the epidural and waiting for it to start to work. I think I should mention at this point my partner had ordered pizza (someone has been comfort eating and it's not the pregnant lady) so my entourage was missing when I came out of surgery. On the plus side when they were found I had a whole tuna pizza and found out my partner had somehow managed to eat 14 chicken wings.

I stayed in hospital overnight with my partner watching over me, no one tells you how hard it is to actually urinate after an epidural and stitch by the way. The amazing news was that the doctor managed to regain another 2cm of cervix so it now measures 2.4cm but still with funneling. After another night of monitoring I was discharged.

I was probably only home for two hours before I was back in maternity triage with active bleeding from my cervix. Did you know that emptying your bowels could irritate your cervix? Another night of observation with the love of my life sleeping in a very uncomfortable chair next to me I was then ready to go home.

... and here I am now. I have heard a number of different doctors state a number of different weeks the stitch could make it to but it seems 24/25 weeks seems most realistic due to my ehlers danlos syndrome (collagen deficiency so everything is more stretchy). Every day really is a gift and I'm hoping to see him on monday during our premature clinic appointment. Each hour my little baby keeps getting stronger and I feel so lucky to even get this far.

Mummy, daddy and bump at the Baby Show 4th March 2017